I apologize Rowers. I know my missed presence has been felt but fear no longer! I have been on hiatus in order to stop and smell the roses. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from myself a while back and was nearly poisoned. I order to determine the extent of my allergy I have been traveling the country smelling every flower and logging my allergic reaction. But enough about this traveler/daring daffodil, its time to talk about our beloved bae Mr. Rowe. His cult life was short-lived and out of it sprang a beautiful future. See, whilst traveling the Spanish Streets nude and scouring for human flesh a talent scout found Mr. Rowe crouched behind a barrel of bananas and came to a glorious realization: Mr. Rowe should be a cast member on the show Spain's Next Top (Not Obese) American Model (Who Still Occasionally Albeit Infrequently Enjoys McDonald's). 

Bubbles' first photo shoot. This leather jacket and beanie perfectly frame his chiseled cheeks (the facial one's ladies calm down) and his puckered lips give the cool finish to his "I totally care, but don't" look. 

Needless to say as soon as Bubbles' (Mr. Rowe adapted this to be his stage name) face appeared on the big screen the Spanish Senoritas went wild, and our paddling hearts sank due to the increase in competition for his heart. I have seen the first episode and it does not disappoint! Bubbles' gets into a fight with Dominiquoelleo over the last kale salad after the three-week juice diet challenge! Unfortunately, I just smelled petunia body spray whilst writing at the desk I place in the mall elevator and thus must Rowe out! To Mr. Rowe I say congratulations and you are a wonder. To all his fans out there I say Rowe Rowe Rowe your boat to Spain if you still wish to be his first mate! 

I regret to inform the world wide web that our own Mr. Rowe has metamorphosized into a raging hooligan. Let us put all thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires of/for a new book on hold, and focus on the fact that our beloved bae who we thought had gone abroad to find himself, has actually turned into a thieving thriving thug. He has been seen setting fires and happily posing at said crime scenes. I never thought I would see the cruel day when our lead Rower was sinking into a life of crime!

The lack of remorse seen in this photo is horrifying to this once smitten blogger. 

Not only has he been heating up the world (and I am not referencing his dashing good looks this time, but the fact that the actual physical temperature of his fires have been wreaking havoc on the global atmosphere), but he has even been delving into some serious cannibalism. Below can be seen one of his latest meals of human! I received this repugnant intel when I sent my aging grandmother to Spain in order to gain information on the latest life-happenings of Mr. Rowe. I was not able to do so myself due to a pending issue with a small restraining order which is neither here nor there. My poor grandmother almost had a heart attack upon finding Mr. Rowe camped out with a nudest colony speaking in tongues and preying on the meat of his own. Apparently he is well loved in his new home, and he received the new name Bubbles. More info on why this name has come to be later. 

The meal that started it all. 

Not only is Mr. Rowe now a certified cannibal cultist, but he has also been stalking his innocent prey.  Here we see a lovely couple minding their own business unaware of the horrors to come. I can imagine they became suspicious whilst happening upon a nude man with a Nikon D5300. Mr. Rowe went from metaphorically stealing hearts to doing so in actuality. I was also told via my slow and geriatric informant that he stole their reading supplies as well. The greatest crime of all for and author! 

Here we find a brave soul snapping a picture of Mr. Rowe in order to catch the fiend and serial human cereal maker. He was eaten but the camera was found. 

If this isn't atrocious enough he has been amassing a following and attempting to take over all of Europe. They are calling him the new Neopolitan (the line was fuzzy via the collect call from my grandmother but I believe that this is what she said).  Bubbles has been attempting to rename every street to his noncult namesake and has been standing on tall buildings giving persuasive speeches. I fear for Europe and the human race because we, my fellow Rower's, know the best out of anyone how persuasive and handsome Mr. Rowe can be. 

One street of many

Tall building

Not only has Mr. Rowe been trying to take over the human race, he has also been attempting to control the animal kingdom. Here he can be seen attempting to hush up a rather chatty horse. 

I fear for us all in this dark time. Please send your condolences for our lost loved literary lover of linguistics to me. I shall be mourning his death and praying for a metamorphosis and his return. In the meantime, I am going to fight this restraining order, book the next flight out, and attempt to sway our Swayze into returning home and healing. If something should befall me let it be known that in true Rower fashion I prefer a Viking funeral! There's a storm coming and we all best be ready with our oars when it does. 

Say hola! To Mr. Rowe from abroad. I know we all were wondering where our favorite writer has disappeared to. Turns out Bruce Jenner isn't the only one doing some serious soul searching (like that alliteration? It's in the true writing fashion of Mr. Rowe himself. The almighty autocrat of alliteration as he is fondly know by his fans) Mr. Rowe has been spotted by the foreign press. Many of you may be shocked to see that his look has changed dramatically, but if I do say so myself it is not entirely unpleasant.

Mr. Rowe has been known to overload the bloggisphere with his charming and risque fashion phenoms, but this is new entirely. Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga have been put to shame with the daring stylistic choices Mr. Rowe has made. That hair, that mustache, that beautiful tie and maroon jacket combination have caught the eyes of critics all around the globe. I cannot speak for every woman out there but if I may say so myself.. "swoon"! He even seems to have developed a new catch phrase possibly a shout out to his hometown of San Diego, where he has been known to enjoy sun bathing and walking long bridges at night. To say Mr. Rowe seems to be evolving into a new being is an understatement. As an amateur reporter, I am proud to say that Mr. Rowe has found himself and possibly a new perspective for a new book. I sent Mr. Rowe a telegram via Western Union (the contents of which are confidential), to which he replied- rather mysteriously- "To Walk a Mile in the Shoes of an Elephant and a Mouse is the Greatest Gift One Can Receive on the Path to Enlightenment. STOP. " Could this be the title of his newest offspring. This amateur reporter and semi stalker believes so! More updates will eventually find their way to the web, but for now I bid you adios Crew Rowers, keep Rowing and don't Cinco!

I know you Rowers have been missing some serious milestones in Mr. Rowe's fabulous life adventures. This blogger/reporter/sleuth/assassin apologizes for her leave of absence as I have been abroad on a mission quite unlike any other. But enough about meager ole' me, let's get down to brass tax and our sole purpose of existence; our infallible author, Stuart Rowe. Whilst my galavanting in Spring, Mr. Rowe has been enjoying some fall festivities!

Mr. Rowe has been experiencing some writers block currently. Instead of letting these issues squash him and soil his sound reputation, he has chosen to grow from the natural experience and shop around for some new and organic inspiration. Here he is enjoying some of life's small pleasures and all that Autumn in New Orleans has to offer. He is most definitely the Real Deal 

While I do not support the likes of Dick Chaney, it is obvious Mr. Rowe is gaining back his confidence, endurance, composure, muscle, and intensity of inspiration in this leisure activity. It's almost as if he were Bourne again. 

Well my hands are tired. Live Long Ore Prosper my beautiful Rowers. Tah Tah!

Sorry for the lack of posting lately my beautiful water-logged paddle bearers! This self named P.I has been intensely undercover investigating claims about our beloved saint Mr. Rowe. What I have found is shocking! Mr. Rowe has currently joined the MTV networks new show Trans-form My Crib (brought to you by the producers of Hoarders, Cribs, and RuPaul's Drag Race!) and may possibly be signing on for a second season! This show is projected to be a huge hit. It''s premise? This show follows the journey of its struggling stars throughout the declutteration of their lives as they begin anew. Contestants are not only cleaning out and renovating their actual physical home but their spiritual homes as well! Contestants undergo a sex and home transformation to fit their new lifestyle. Ms. Phoebe Rowe as our beloved writer is now known, is not only a fashionista but also an eclectic collector (one of her most prized possessions is pictured below!) Next on the Agenda for Ms. Phoebe? Who's to say. However, whispers of her being featured on next months cover of Vogue are building to critical mass! Whelp thats all for now folks! In the words of RuPaul (Phoebes Drag Idol), "You better work!"

Ms. Phoebe Rowe on the Set of Trans-form My Crib

One of Ms. Rowe's Most Prized Possessions!

I guess it's that time of the week again friends! I am here to cure your Tuesday blues and update you about the on goings of our favorite teen heartthrob and winner of the Nickelodeon awards cutest smile/butt combination, Mr. Stuart Rowe himself. I feel nothing but pride for what I am about to tell you! Our very own Mr. Rowe has competed in his 15th Little Mr. Pageant! Unfortunately the judges were not on top of their game and Mr. Rowe did not take home the title of Ultimate Supreme for the Sounthernmost Louisianna's Top Little Mr. New Orleans Sexy Muffin Pants pageant. However, he did receive the Giltziest Manboy award and I for one am like a proud Mama Honey Boo Boo. Mr. Rowe was the oldest and most experienced contestant and I fear he did not win because one of the other contestants, I will not name who (*Cough* Oliver) cried on stage and won pity points! Regardless, Mr. Rowe's talent portion blew the entire room away and had me in tears! Not only did he recite an excerpt from his book (no that would be too easy for our hero), he simultaneously sang Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On," via a ventriloquist doll! To say that this was impossible is an understatement and yet Mr. Rowe proves to us yet again, that nothing is impossible for those who spread their wings and metaphorphisize into that which they wish to be! Thank you Mr. Rowe, and may we follow you to Davy Jones' Locker!

Mr. Rowe during the final ceremony!

Sorry Maties! It's been a long week filled with trials and tribulations galore. However, there has been a silver lining! A beacon of hope in this otherwise cloudy adventure! Our glorious novelist and famed hero Mr. Rowe has found his true identity! Mr. Rowe recently went on a soul searching sojourn in the New Orleans wilderness to examine his true self. What he found was astonishing. After spending a full three days in a nudist colony living off of purely waffles and tree bark, he has come to the realization that his true soul lies with another. Mr. Rowe found himself caught between a rock and a hard place (literally for an hour- note: the story of his struggles was later adapted into the movie 127 hours (the time was lengthened for Hollywood effect)). And in that hour he saw a small mouse scurry underfoot and realized that his true persona is/was/always has been Stuart Little. He realized that his love for small things, red convertibles, and cheese was no coincidence! It was a road map to his soul! Mr. Rowe has now adapted his newfound persona and may I just say I cannot be more proud! He has truly embodied his ideal of Metamorphisizing into the person you want to be! Kudos Mr. Rowe (and I am not talking about the candy bar)! May the lesson of Mr. Rowe be the oar to your journeys on the sea of life! Galavant for now my Caterpillars!

Mr. Rowe extending his mind and body whilst his wilderness sojourn

 A Kudos Bar (Mmmm....)

Mr. Rowe encapsulating that which is his true self!