I apologize Rowers. I know my missed presence has been felt but fear no longer! I have been on hiatus in order to stop and smell the roses. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from myself a while back and was nearly poisoned. I order to determine the extent of my allergy I have been traveling the country smelling every flower and logging my allergic reaction. But enough about this traveler/daring daffodil, its time to talk about our beloved bae Mr. Rowe. His cult life was short-lived and out of it sprang a beautiful future. See, whilst traveling the Spanish Streets nude and scouring for human flesh a talent scout found Mr. Rowe crouched behind a barrel of bananas and came to a glorious realization: Mr. Rowe should be a cast member on the show Spain's Next Top (Not Obese) American Model (Who Still Occasionally Albeit Infrequently Enjoys McDonald's). 

Bubbles' first photo shoot. This leather jacket and beanie perfectly frame his chiseled cheeks (the facial one's ladies calm down) and his puckered lips give the cool finish to his "I totally care, but don't" look. 

Needless to say as soon as Bubbles' (Mr. Rowe adapted this to be his stage name) face appeared on the big screen the Spanish Senoritas went wild, and our paddling hearts sank due to the increase in competition for his heart. I have seen the first episode and it does not disappoint! Bubbles' gets into a fight with Dominiquoelleo over the last kale salad after the three-week juice diet challenge! Unfortunately, I just smelled petunia body spray whilst writing at the desk I place in the mall elevator and thus must Rowe out! To Mr. Rowe I say congratulations and you are a wonder. To all his fans out there I say Rowe Rowe Rowe your boat to Spain if you still wish to be his first mate! 

I regret to inform the world wide web that our own Mr. Rowe has metamorphosized into a raging hooligan. Let us put all thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires of/for a new book on hold, and focus on the fact that our beloved bae who we thought had gone abroad to find himself, has actually turned into a thieving thriving thug. He has been seen setting fires and happily posing at said crime scenes. I never thought I would see the cruel day when our lead Rower was sinking into a life of crime!

The lack of remorse seen in this photo is horrifying to this once smitten blogger. 

Not only has he been heating up the world (and I am not referencing his dashing good looks this time, but the fact that the actual physical temperature of his fires have been wreaking havoc on the global atmosphere), but he has even been delving into some serious cannibalism. Below can be seen one of his latest meals of human! I received this repugnant intel when I sent my aging grandmother to Spain in order to gain information on the latest life-happenings of Mr. Rowe. I was not able to do so myself due to a pending issue with a small restraining order which is neither here nor there. My poor grandmother almost had a heart attack upon finding Mr. Rowe camped out with a nudest colony speaking in tongues and preying on the meat of his own. Apparently he is well loved in his new home, and he received the new name Bubbles. More info on why this name has come to be later. 

The meal that started it all. 

Not only is Mr. Rowe now a certified cannibal cultist, but he has also been stalking his innocent prey.  Here we see a lovely couple minding their own business unaware of the horrors to come. I can imagine they became suspicious whilst happening upon a nude man with a Nikon D5300. Mr. Rowe went from metaphorically stealing hearts to doing so in actuality. I was also told via my slow and geriatric informant that he stole their reading supplies as well. The greatest crime of all for and author! 

Here we find a brave soul snapping a picture of Mr. Rowe in order to catch the fiend and serial human cereal maker. He was eaten but the camera was found. 

If this isn't atrocious enough he has been amassing a following and attempting to take over all of Europe. They are calling him the new Neopolitan (the line was fuzzy via the collect call from my grandmother but I believe that this is what she said).  Bubbles has been attempting to rename every street to his noncult namesake and has been standing on tall buildings giving persuasive speeches. I fear for Europe and the human race because we, my fellow Rower's, know the best out of anyone how persuasive and handsome Mr. Rowe can be. 

One street of many

Tall building

Not only has Mr. Rowe been trying to take over the human race, he has also been attempting to control the animal kingdom. Here he can be seen attempting to hush up a rather chatty horse. 

I fear for us all in this dark time. Please send your condolences for our lost loved literary lover of linguistics to me. I shall be mourning his death and praying for a metamorphosis and his return. In the meantime, I am going to fight this restraining order, book the next flight out, and attempt to sway our Swayze into returning home and healing. If something should befall me let it be known that in true Rower fashion I prefer a Viking funeral! There's a storm coming and we all best be ready with our oars when it does. 

Say hola! To Mr. Rowe from abroad. I know we all were wondering where our favorite writer has disappeared to. Turns out Bruce Jenner isn't the only one doing some serious soul searching (like that alliteration? It's in the true writing fashion of Mr. Rowe himself. The almighty autocrat of alliteration as he is fondly know by his fans) Mr. Rowe has been spotted by the foreign press. Many of you may be shocked to see that his look has changed dramatically, but if I do say so myself it is not entirely unpleasant.

Mr. Rowe has been known to overload the bloggisphere with his charming and risque fashion phenoms, but this is new entirely. Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga have been put to shame with the daring stylistic choices Mr. Rowe has made. That hair, that mustache, that beautiful tie and maroon jacket combination have caught the eyes of critics all around the globe. I cannot speak for every woman out there but if I may say so myself.. "swoon"! He even seems to have developed a new catch phrase possibly a shout out to his hometown of San Diego, where he has been known to enjoy sun bathing and walking long bridges at night. To say Mr. Rowe seems to be evolving into a new being is an understatement. As an amateur reporter, I am proud to say that Mr. Rowe has found himself and possibly a new perspective for a new book. I sent Mr. Rowe a telegram via Western Union (the contents of which are confidential), to which he replied- rather mysteriously- "To Walk a Mile in the Shoes of an Elephant and a Mouse is the Greatest Gift One Can Receive on the Path to Enlightenment. STOP. " Could this be the title of his newest offspring. This amateur reporter and semi stalker believes so! More updates will eventually find their way to the web, but for now I bid you adios Crew Rowers, keep Rowing and don't Cinco!